Thunder Thighs...

Twice in a month--- WHOO HOO!!!

So- I need to rant a little.

Thursday I was sitting in the dentist office and an acquaintance came up asking to see recent pictures of Whitlee.  As any proud mommy does, I whipped out my wallet and iPhone to show off my little beauty. And this was the response I got... "She's precious--- check out those THUNDER thighs".

My heart sank, immediately.  My gorgeous girl is 5 months old. 5 MONTHS!!!! And it has started already.  Yes, I admit, she is healthy. She eats her rice cereal, drinks her milk, and loves her veggies.  And true to her heritage, she has chubby thighs.  She's a baby, they could be gone in a few weeks. Who knows?! But my heart sank.

For years I have listened to the women in my family fuss about their thunder thighs, height, hips, stomach, double chins... and the list goes on. We are women- and at some point in life we were told it wasn't okay to say "I like my...", instead we are bred to say "I look awful and I hate my ...". And I am first on the list to fuss about my...everything.

Just tonight, at the END of Crossfit, (after 30 of my friends had busted it on a Friday WOD instead of lounging on the couch, going out to dinner, Netflix-ing, whatever) after we have squatted, pressed, rowed, and done an insane amount of double-unders, we stood around talking about all the body parts we hated, why we hated them, and how we were going to have them surgically altered.  HELLOOOO???!!! We are Crossfitters--- do you know how many people come to Crossfit and can't hang? We are strong--- yeah we have thunder thighs and broad shoulders---- we front squat 115 on our first WOD back from having a baby.... and 165 (or more... I'll have to check with that squatter- it was NOT me) on the first WOD back from surgery and 6 weeks off.  Yeah we have broad shoulders- we do handstand push-ups and strict pull-ups (well, banded pull-ups for me).  So maybe there is meat on our bones... maybe we wear expensive leggings to suck us in while we squat... but we are strong. Stronger than most.

My heart breaks. This is the future I am setting my daughter up for.  Before she was born I told my husband and my Best that I would NEVER talk down about my own body or any other woman's body in front of Whitlee.  I would tell her she was beautiful every single day regardless of her physical beauty.  I will not hound her about what she eats or her activity level but instead try to breed in her a health-conscious lifestyle. But every day since she was born I look in the mirror in disgust (okay- I did that while I was pregnant, too... but I mostly just avoided mirrors and cameras during those days).  Despite knowing what my body created I see failure.  Since I've been back at the Box after baby  I FEEL failure because I can do a whopping 1-2 strict pull-ups, and I can only do 16" box jumps and they freak me out all over again.  And every day when I get up I put on sweats and put my hair in a pony tail and say OUT LOUD "nothing I can do to fix this" so I just don't try.

And do you know what happens when someone has the audacity to say, "great job on that WOD"? I respond with, "I did awful, I'm nowhere near where I was before I got pregnant." Uhhhhh- you think? For the last year I did modified or scaled WOD's because, you know, I was growing a baby- and then birthing a baby- and then recovering/learning to parent said baby. Why do I think I need to be where I was?
Don't even bother telling me I look nice because I will shove those words right back down your throat. After having Whitlee people would say, " You look great! I can't believe you just had a baby" and I would respond, "I'm still in maternity jeans". Or yesterday when a friend came to watch Whitlee so I could go to my afore mentioned dentist appointment and  said, " You look so pretty" (Yes, folks, I dried my hair, AND put on make-up, AND put on real clothes- impressive, I know) and  I lamented, "oh my gosh--- I can't do anything with my hair,  it's awful".

WHYYYYYY, ladies?! Please don't think I am criticizing anyone! I am at the top of the guilty list for every one of these incidents.  I know that if my mindset does not change, my poor Whitlee will see her own body in the same negative light that I see mine.

You know what's really crazy? To me, every one of my friends regardless of size, strength, or shape are phenomenally beautiful.  Despite what the world may see, I see only positive things when I view my friends. She does her make-up so well, her personality is infectious, that woman's smile lights up her whole face, she always has the CUTEST outfits. Those are the things I think when I look at my friends. What I don't see are "thunder thighs", muffin tops, and double chins.

I vow to do better. I HAVE to do better. Whitlee needs to know that beauty is found in every person- in the way they carry themselves, and make others laugh, and wear clothes/nails/jewelry that accentuate their personality. I want Whitlee to understand that beauty is found in STRENGTH!  Strength to use your thunder thighs to squat, run, jump, and push wheel chairs. Strength to stand up for yourself. Strength to know that your physical appearance is not a defining factor in your life. Strength to compliment others instead of tearing each other down.

My goals in raising my daughter are to abstain from saying negative things about myself as well as other women, and rephrase how I say positive things.  I don't want Whitlee to associate beauty with a specific body-type (i.e. "Oh she's so pretty... so tall and thin"), because Whit will probably not have that long, lithe body- she will probably be more on the petite side.  I want to retrain myself to NOT say things like, "Wow- she's really gained weight" or "She looks great SINCE she lost all that weight". Instead I want to say, "She looks great" PERIOD.  I want to lift other women up so Whitlee learns to lift up and encourage as well; and hopefully be encouraged herself.

I want Whitlee to be proud of her thunder thighs that bear weight at 5 months and seem to want to carry her off if only she could get that balance thing down. Proud of those thunder thighs that will let her play in the yard with the dogs. Proud of her thunder thighs that she can one day use to push wheel chairs and play tennis with Daddy. Proud of her thunder thighs that can run races and ride bikes (if she feels like it). Proud of her thunder thighs that will one day bounce her own babies.

Okay- rant over. I know the thunder thighs comment was not meant to spur such a reaction in me... it was just a phrase that hit a little too close to home. And it's a phrase that could haunt Whitlee for the rest of her life if I don't get a handle on how I portray body image to my daughter.


"It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from within you- the beauty of a sweet spirit that will never be destroyed and is very precious to God."
1 Peter 3:3-4

~This Messy Mama