Response to "Why I Don't Make My Son Share"

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" 
Mark 10:45

Several weeks ago I read the blog "Why I Don't Make My Son Share" and it has not set well with me. For weeks I have rolled it around in my head--- weighing the pros and cons of this practice.  But I'm going to be honest--- it's a little absurd.  Teaching someone to share does not mean laying down and rolling over and becoming completely submissive.  It's not about teaching your child to be weak. It's about teaching your child to have a servant's heart; to put the thoughts, needs, desires of others before your own.  Because, trust me, that's how the real world works.  

Moms you have all experienced this- going without sleep, showers, and meals to get your kids taken care of.  Wearing your old, hole-adorned, worn out shoes to the gym because new tennis shoes are not in the budget this month... perhaps they could be: "Sorry honey- I'm not gonna share MY money with you this month so I'll be buying new shoes and you will go without diapers."  And how many times have you had a neighbor call asking to borrow tools, food, diapers...Yep- even as adults we still have to share.

Because I know you are rolling your eyes and wondering what qualifies me to draw these conclusions- let me state my credentials.  I am a former special ed teacher, a current 3-K teacher, and the coordinator for our church nursery (which often puts me in the nursery with the little ones who don't really feel like sharing).  So I have a lot of experience with choosing to make or not make little ones share. 

Here is the thing--- if a toy belongs to a child, no, they should not have to give it away--- but please do not send it to school or church with them if they are going to refuse to share with the other kids.  Their teachers will thank you.  Most toys at church and school are purchased with the thought, "my students will all play with these toys", not "Ryker will get to play with this dinosaur and AJ will get to use this color playdough".  There are situations where specific kids become very attached to particular toys, and yes, I do think they should get the opportunity to play with said toy frequently, but not to hoard it.  "Hey Melody you've had the purple doll for a long time, why don't you pick a new toy and let Thomas play with this one?" is a perfectly acceptable request of a child.  It is not teaching him/her to weakly lose a battle- it teaches them kindness, patience, and turn-taking.  Real-world, authentic, necessary skills.  Not to mention your child may find a new toy or activity they love and would not have experienced had they been allowed to play with the same purple doll day in and day out.

And you know- it's not a black or white issue.  The decision of when/how to enforce sharing is subjective.  Sometimes there are children (just like crazy ex-girlfriends) who simply want what they can't have.  You can nip it in the bud pretty fast and it typically happens as soon as a child picks up a toy, the other goes into an auto-tantrum of "BUT I WANTED THAT TOY..." Sorry darlin'- maybe next free play. 

We live in a society of entitled children.  Children who yell at their parents for bringing cupcakes to school instead of cookies.  Children who make good decisions or grades and believe their parents owe them movies, vehicles, and iPads.  And now we are trying to teach our children to be selfish?  I'm sorry, I'm not buying it. 

Mother of the Year

Big Announcement here, folks. HUGE! (ya'll are all hearing Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman right now aren't you????)

I am....  MOTHER OF THE YEAR!!!!!

As I write this it is 8:30 and I'm waiting on my oil to heat so I can make salmon patties and sweet potato fries.  Which will be my daughter's supper... maybe- can you give a 10 month old salmon???? Maybe she will eat turkey.  And while I'm doing this my husband is icing his bruised head and watching some Will Ferell movie. What's my Little Miss doing? Is she engaged in one of those 589753248320 Pinterest "instead of watching tv" sensory activities I painstakingly seek out? Nope---- she's watching the inappropriate Will Ferrell movie with her dad; one pigtail in, one pigtail out. At least they are bonding. 

The more I talk to mommy-friends the more I realize I am a really bad mom... at least an oxymoron mom.  I let my girl watch Sid the Science Kid, but don't you dare let her watch a non-education cartoon. I feed my daughter only organic foods but I (gasp) allow most vaccinations (believe it or not I trust my pediatrician and really think they have our best interest in mind).  We read a lot and stimulate our brains with music daily... right now we are reading The Paris Wife and listening to the newest NeedtoBreathe album. 

While I was pregnant my sister-in-law (a textbook mom) loaded me up on "How to be a mom"-ature: Baby-Wise, What to Expect, Big Book of Baby Savings, Happiest Baby on the Block, and the list goes on.  I read them- I was all about them. And then- I became a mom and realized I STINK at all of those.  
When I was a teacher my classroom ran like a machine- we had Morning Meeting at the same time every day, centers rotated every 15 minutes, we lined up for lunch at the exact same time each day... but at home my life was always much more lax. Apparently my parenting is the same way.  

Little Miss has NEVER had a set bed-time... or nap-time.... or meal time.  It only took 9 1/2 months to get her into her own bed (as in I wouldn't put her there because I like to check on her breathing every few minutes during the night), but you're crazy if you think I try to rock that back to sleep in the middle of the night.  No- I just carry her back to our room--- and if she's not ready for sleep I do what all MOTY's do. I turn on cartoons, sit her between the hubby and I, and go back to sleep.  Don't worry though!!! I am adamant that she ONLY watch educational cartoons (ask the hubs- I mean business, people).  Occasionally I break down and turn on the Disney channel, but really prefer GPTV.  And sometimes, she isn't even in our home for naptime or bedtime.  We may be at a friend's house, or the pool, or the gym, or the drive-in movie.  That's okay- I always make sure I can make her a pallet in case she gets tired. 

Don't get me wrong.  I don't expect my baby girl to watch tv or sleep all the time.  At the beach we experimented with eating sand and mud (it's organic), and used our auditory and tactile senses to take our daily naps on the beach.  Little Miss loves to fingerpaint while Mommy is working on orders.  I try to keep non-toxic Crayola on hand, but applesauce works pretty well, too.  And we exercise.  We go to Crossfit most days.  Little Miss is learning to motivate her friends by clapping and squealing.  Most days she is content to ride in her stroller while we run sprints or just sit in her stroller and watch us.  But then there are days like today when she has just had enough and the stroller isn't cutting it.  So I sit her on the shiny, clean, soft gym floor beside me while I do push-ups and then snuggle her really close to my dry, clean, nice-smelling body and hold her while I do squats (please insert antonyms for every adjective in this sentence).          

But guess what, people??? Little Miss is HAPPY (like--- all the time).  And she is healthy.  And she is thriving.  I'm not saying I am getting it right.  I know for a fact that I'm not and so many more people do it 100 times better than I do.  What I am saying is it's ok.  It's ok that sometimes you do things with/to/for your child that you are embarrassed to share with anyone because our society is so quick to judge (and go viral on social media).  So to all you sweet mommies out there with no grace for yourselves... all of you that think you just can't get it right and you are ROYALLY screwing up your child.  STOP WORRYING!!!!! And remember there are MOTY's out there like myself that are doing it totally backwards and my kiddo is PERFECTION

My perfect child eating supper naked with

one pigtail standing at 9:30.

And proof I didn't feed her salmon!!!!

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