Ramblings of a sleep deprived mama...

Ramblings of a sleep deprived Mama!

I miss sleeping through the night. And so many mommy friends have 9 week olds that are consistently sleeping through the night--- making me a little green with envy.  I wonder what I'm doing wrong that Baby Girl still wakes up at 4 wanting a bottle every night! 

And I dread it. When I hear that first stir I squeeze my eyes closed---maybe she will settle back down. But no. So I stumble to the kitchen and heat her bottle and get her reflux protective armor all situated just so. And I pick her up and she SMILES at me, snuggles in, and wraps her fingers around my pinky when I bring the bottle to her mouth. 

And I wonder- why do I dread this so much. Right now she's sleep eating so I can blog, but most nights she stares at me with those beautiful blue eyes- and when our eyes meet she smiles---- sending milk all down her chin. And she's making her sweet smacking grunt as she devours her early morning snack, and then I burp her and she raises that one hand like she's singing the hallelujah chorus. And I know.... In only a few shorts months these midnight moments will be gone and I'm going to miss them. One day my precious Princess is going to sleep right through the night and we won't have our little snuggle fests anymore.

Will I jump for joy over 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep?! You BETCHA... But then a few nights in I'll wake up at 4 am missing the weight of my sweet girl in my arms. 

These years are so few... Soon she will pull away when I try to hold her, she will fall asleep in her big girl bed after only a kiss on the cheek.... So for now I rock my baby to sleep. I hold her when she cries. I turn the tv off and look in her eyes when I give her a bottle. And I covet our late night snacks! And I laugh because I am Baby Wise's worst fear. 

You hear the experts say "nurture them, don't spoil them". But she is just a little baby... And loving her and snuggling her and telling her she is perfect and beautiful and an amazing blessing is not spoiling her... It's doing my job. Will there be nights I look around a cluttered house, or at a book I want to read or a tv show I want to watch and wish she wasn't asking me to rock her... I'm sure!!! But in 20 years  not going to remember those things. I'll remember milk breath, tiny hands holding mine, sleepy grins, the way she pants in her sleep, and the way my husband rolls over, gives me a bleary eyed grin and puts his hand on my arm to connect our little family. 

Drinking in my blessings this morning.