Response to "Why I Don't Make My Son Share"

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" 
Mark 10:45

Several weeks ago I read the blog "Why I Don't Make My Son Share" and it has not set well with me. For weeks I have rolled it around in my head--- weighing the pros and cons of this practice.  But I'm going to be honest--- it's a little absurd.  Teaching someone to share does not mean laying down and rolling over and becoming completely submissive.  It's not about teaching your child to be weak. It's about teaching your child to have a servant's heart; to put the thoughts, needs, desires of others before your own.  Because, trust me, that's how the real world works.  

Moms you have all experienced this- going without sleep, showers, and meals to get your kids taken care of.  Wearing your old, hole-adorned, worn out shoes to the gym because new tennis shoes are not in the budget this month... perhaps they could be: "Sorry honey- I'm not gonna share MY money with you this month so I'll be buying new shoes and you will go without diapers."  And how many times have you had a neighbor call asking to borrow tools, food, diapers...Yep- even as adults we still have to share.

Because I know you are rolling your eyes and wondering what qualifies me to draw these conclusions- let me state my credentials.  I am a former special ed teacher, a current 3-K teacher, and the coordinator for our church nursery (which often puts me in the nursery with the little ones who don't really feel like sharing).  So I have a lot of experience with choosing to make or not make little ones share. 

Here is the thing--- if a toy belongs to a child, no, they should not have to give it away--- but please do not send it to school or church with them if they are going to refuse to share with the other kids.  Their teachers will thank you.  Most toys at church and school are purchased with the thought, "my students will all play with these toys", not "Ryker will get to play with this dinosaur and AJ will get to use this color playdough".  There are situations where specific kids become very attached to particular toys, and yes, I do think they should get the opportunity to play with said toy frequently, but not to hoard it.  "Hey Melody you've had the purple doll for a long time, why don't you pick a new toy and let Thomas play with this one?" is a perfectly acceptable request of a child.  It is not teaching him/her to weakly lose a battle- it teaches them kindness, patience, and turn-taking.  Real-world, authentic, necessary skills.  Not to mention your child may find a new toy or activity they love and would not have experienced had they been allowed to play with the same purple doll day in and day out.

And you know- it's not a black or white issue.  The decision of when/how to enforce sharing is subjective.  Sometimes there are children (just like crazy ex-girlfriends) who simply want what they can't have.  You can nip it in the bud pretty fast and it typically happens as soon as a child picks up a toy, the other goes into an auto-tantrum of "BUT I WANTED THAT TOY..." Sorry darlin'- maybe next free play. 

We live in a society of entitled children.  Children who yell at their parents for bringing cupcakes to school instead of cookies.  Children who make good decisions or grades and believe their parents owe them movies, vehicles, and iPads.  And now we are trying to teach our children to be selfish?  I'm sorry, I'm not buying it.