I thought about taking a picture because my little one is so pretty when she sleeps. But some things I want to hold in my heart. The way she loves to be snuggled just so- and how she pats my face while she fights sleep because she really wants me to play with her- or at least smile while she talks to me. And it's so hard not to because she makes such fun, shrieky sounds these days. I'm not sure a picture can do those moments justice.
I know in my heart Whitlee will still be my same baby tomorrow that she is tonight, but my heart remains tender tonight. Realizing with each day she is becoming so much more independent. Those days where she relied on me for every little thing were draining, but they were so pure and innocent. Her very sweetest, snuggliest moments are already behind me. Soon she will want just a little space when I try to hold her tight. She will want to walk instead of being carried. And part of the joy of parenting is allowing these moments- knowing your love gave your babies' roots so they could spread their wings. But still I hold onto the baby moments. I relish the nights I have to rock her to sleep and the mornings to eat breakfast with her chattering away.
There have been so many days in the past year where I have not been the mommy I wanted to be. Where my patience was thin or I was exhausted. Days where I was bogged down beneath 3-k planning, nursery coordinating, paint partying, cross fitting, errand running, and house cleaning, when I would reflect back on my day and know Whitlee (and Craig) did not get the best of me. Today was not that day. Today I was the mommy I dream of being (although we did partake in Moe's Monday and Whitlee may have eaten remnants of my burrito along with fruit as her super healthy supper so I could be that mom). We played in the yard and on the swings. We danced to Disney songs and sang "The Fruit of the Spirit" on repeat because it makes my girl giggle. We played in the floor and read books. And I can look back on today and know that on this day Whitlee knows I love her beyond measure. She knows that her smiles and laughter make my heart melt. She feels safe. She is happy.
I read an article recently about not having a child-centered family but a Christ-centered family. I agreed with so many points and made note to partake in many of the listed ideals as Whitlee grows. And while I do not want my life
to revolve solely around my child (and have tried to maintain a lifestyle that reflects this belief throughout the year) living a Christ-centered life is being a servant leader. One of the greatest ministry fields a parent has is the home and family. I truly believe that teaching children to love on and serve others comes much more naturally for them
when they know how it feels to be treated the same.
This entry has rambled around just a bit... But that is how my thoughts seem to be lately- a jumble of emotions and song lyrics and snapshots of the day, reflections of my actions and reactions to what I read.
But Whitlee, if you read this one day-
I am already so proud of the joy you bring to people and the spunky spirit you entertain us with. This year has been an unbeatable adventure. Mommy loves you so much and cannot wait to see who you become!
No comments:
Post a Comment